Friend: Hi Magdi, I feel in love with someone who got scared and ran away. In moments of clarity i recognize that my expectations pushed her away, and her fears pulled her away. I find it hard to consistency be mindful and not succumb to these waves of pain. I thought I wanted to be with her. Now I believe that what I want is deep emotional connection. I feel as though memories and thoughts of her live in my stomach, and she comes up. I get jealousy and afraid. How can we seek deep emotional connection and loving relationships and let go of these expectations?
Reply: The pain of separation and unfulfilled expectations is inevitable as long as we are projecting our happiness onto something outside of us, be it a partner, an experience we long for, or a situation we feel will make us happy. When our partner leaves, we experience that part of us has died. Can we dive deeply into that feeling without wiggling our way out of it, without attempting to think our way around it, without self blaming and without blaming the other? Many thoughts, images and feelings may arise. Can we explore remaining still and not moving in spite of the thoughts, images and feelings? As soon as we engage in thinking, it is like a torrent of thoughts and feelings are unleashed and we feel swept under the flood. Yet, the sages speak of the very real possibility of consciousness. The reality that we are, that everyone and everything is, that is borderless love and not grasping at objects, not pursuing forms, not trying to feed the me that is insatiable. It is not possible to get the deep emotional connection from another. After all, how can they provide it to you when they are seeking it themselves? But it is possible to be in deep connection with whatever is arising for you, as long as you are not seeking it to be different. Simply by remaining completely open and vulnerable. You will be surprised by the magical power of the stillness and silence of consciousness. By relying on consciousness, that you are, the still simple presence that you are, you do not need to turn towards anyone else to fulfill you. And when you are not needed someone, they show up by your side to celebrate your inner and innate causeless happiness. Like the bees are attracted to the pollen of the flowers. Do not battle. Surrender, allow and notice that openness is already here right now. You simply need to turn your attention to it and not to your thoughts and feelings. Blessings and love Magdi
Friend: What is falling in love?