Questions about awakening

Hi ❤️

I have some questions about the awakening process… After I first found Robert Adams my life turned upside down and I guess a big storm
Of karma entered my life …. life has been hard so far with a lot of pain and suffering ( 7 years) but right now at this moment , I know I am not my thoughts, my body, I know all I see is a reflection of me , and I can and feel love in everyone and everything. I feel in my heart there is a force stronger than anything. But , the illusion- maya – keeps entering my mind now and then and when it does I get blind. I feel like another Person. I don’t know what to do when this comes because my thoughts gets manipulated so bad that I can’t have an open conversation with people I love .. and all I can do – that helps – is just being alone and being quiet. But then I suffer a lot. This pain is so defined that I basically feel that I have a person inside of me. What I have experienced now is that I’m starting to get afraid of this moment .. so I tend to go back to old habits to keep this “moment” away…. I don’t know how to accept this pain .. seems like the body has forgotten… I wonder does someone have any clue what this might be or what I can do?

Reply: Dear Adelen
Everything that arises to you arises to you as awareness. 
When you attach yourself to a past experience, you will suffer. Let go of all past states. 
Keep going back to: I am the awareness. This awareness can perceive fire 🔥, but it will not burn. 
Much love

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