You are contemplating truth directly or indirectly.
Indirectly, your contemplation is worldly via thoughts and feelings and will disappoint you. Pursuing the contemplation via the senses maintains the separation and the sense of lack. Pursuit and avoidance are deeply rooted in the indirect contemplation.
Directly, your contemplation reveals the Self. The world body mind are abandoned and the focus is on ‘What am I truly?’; ‘What is the reality of my experience?’
Sooner or later your will tire of the indirect contemplation and you will turn your attention inwardly.