Why is my motivation for truth dropping?

Friend: Hi Magdi.
I was contemplating after i woke up and then i wondered why my motivation for contemplating has dropped or why am i not interested in the truth as much as when i first read about spirituality.
I remember that when i begun my journey toward the truth -of the self- i was so energized and motivated to inquire the whole time! In those days i sometimes imagined myself in a prison so that i could concentrate more, (i didn’t think about it seriously though) because i felt the need to be totally alone to know the truth. It is like i thought that in prison things would be quiet!
And this year i nearly went to the prison! So that led me to think that maybe there is a connection between what i imagine and what really happens. Consciousness tries to help somehow.
Is it always moving toward the good ? Is my consciousness telling me try harder to know the truth and is given me hard lessons? Is the trouble in my life trying to help me discover who am i, to make this body suffer so that it recognize the truth?
This body mind is troubled and troubling but there is always a sense that there is an observer who is independant of everything perceivable. I know it because i experience it all the time, it is always there: the sense of I am is here all the time.
But still i cannot recognize it, it’s a phantom! It’s like my attention can’t access this i Amness. Is it possible to observe the observer ? Does self realization means that the observer will be observed and by what eyes one sees the truth?
Thank you Magdi

Reply: The observer is not observable since it is not a form. The observable is stable and known as causeless peace and happiness when you stop imagining yourself to be a body mind object.
All worldly events, no matter how difficult they may be, aim to the revelation of freedom, peace and happiness. For a truth lover, consciousness is a friendly companion, but the medicine does not always feel sweet. It might be bitter at times.

Friend: I understand. Who is the one imaginning ?

Reply: There is no separate self imagining anything. All dreams are dreams of consciousness.

Friend:  Consciousness is dreaming?

Reply: Yes. Don’t you dream ?
Are you not conscious of your dreams?
What is it that is conscious? Is it not consciousness?

Friend: Yes it is. And it’s everything else. Life is a form of consciousness.

Reply: Yes.

Friend: Ok. Thank you

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