I LOSE THIS RELAXED AWARENESS WHENEVER I PERCEIVE A CHALLENGE​

Friend:
I think this contemplation of relaxed being/awareness state works beautifully for me, but I lose it when I get big challenges as personal problems like with my close relationships with my children or grandson…
Then it takes me a while to get back to that peaceful, wonderful space when I’m operating from the false self/ego/victim stance…😢

Reply:
The particular challenges that arise in your life are meant for you. They arise in order for you to notice that, in spite of these challenges, all is well and nothing is happening. Challenges refer to an internal resistance or personal desires that are not being met. It is due to a psychological position that you are taking that you perceive challenges. In the absence of any internal personal position that refers to the belief that you are a personal self, where is the challenge? Where is the internal psychological stance? It is absent. Is it not?
Consciousness, That you truly are, is untouched, unaffected by world body mind events. The body mind reacts, but there is as well the Self that is untouched. There are no personal problems for consciousness. You experience challenges due to your mistaken identity.
In other words, the contemplation of the Self reveals that you are not the body mind. Body mind events do not define you once you are contemplating your true nature. The contemplation will lead you to the transparency of being and will reveal that you are the infinite formless presence and not the body mind instrument.
In order to notice this, you need to study the Dharma and take the Dharmic path: the path of contemplation and dispassion.
Diving deeply into the Dharma, living it, taking it at heart.
If you do not contemplate and apply the Dharma, the same old patterns will continue where you feel vulnerable and contracted whenever certain situations arise. The wheel of Samsara spins until your contemplation engages deeply and reveals to you the truth of your essential nature: You are the transparency of Being and reality is One and not many.
For now, whenever challenges arise, contemplate that these challenges are empty. They are sounds and sights. They are the result of mind and wrong thoughts. The main culprit is the I-thought. The I-thought and me-feelings are empty as well and they are founded on the wrong principle of separate identity. Contemplate truth and do not be misled by appearances such as thoughts and feelings.
Also, at the body feeling level, notice that the contraction is an empty sensation. You need to contemplate deeply and not shallow. Dive into the sensation, die into it without resistance and without thinking. Do not try to fix a sensation since million other sensations are waiting in line.
You can also notice that the personal self, the illusory me wants to be special. That is what keeps the personal self impression since it does not want to surrender. It wants to maintain its personal position. The personal self wants the wold body mind to be under its control and to be available to please it. It is thought and sensation and has no reality of its own. There is but one reality and that is consciousness/awareness.
Notice all this empty arising and remain as you are: unmoved, unstirred and unborn.