When you are identified as a person, as a mortal body mind, you are experiencing yourself as a separate self, as a dream character and you are not knowingly yourself.
Like in your night dream, you may imagine yourself to be a 6 year old boy having all sorts of adventures with friends and making all sorts of choices. But given you are not really this 6 year old boy of your dreams, all the choices that you make as this 6 year old boy are not real. The 6 year old boy feels he has control (or not) as a dream character that you are dreaming. The sense of control or powerlessness of a dream character is illusory.
In fact, you, the dreamer of this 6 year old boy are the only one in control.
Like the puppeteer and the puppets. The puppets have no control. The puppeteer does.
Contemplation of the reality of your experience should lead you to awaken from the illusion that you are a person and realize your true nature as this borderless aware presence, which is impersonal and universal, sans personal owner.

Once you start to realize your true nature as consciousness, choice becomes available to you. You can choose to remain still in the face of the tendency to pursue/avoid various situations, or you may choose to maintain the sense of separation via the activities of arguing, avoiding, blaming, hoping, etc.
Choosing the old model of a separate self maintains the illusion of control and loss of control. Powerlessness (victimhood) and struggle are the result of making the wrong choice.

I would like to add that many folks who seem to appeal to you since they seem happy without any interest in spirituality are happy but their happiness is fleeting. That is because as long as one still believes they are a separate character, their happiness is dependent on situations and circumstances. They are happy as long as the situation is meeting their conditions. But the situation is bound to change and so will the happiness that depended on it.