I am glad to be in touch with you who seem to be so open to communicate, after listening to some of your satsangs, I would like to share a bit, that helps me to reflect about myself and at the same time maybe if possible, to get some insights from you. Thanks in advance.
Currently it seems life is at the drivers sit. I am just being carried ( I think it is always like that, but before I didn´t let it happen, and struggled). I used to be a university professor for about 22 years, lost that job a year ago, and became a formal yoga teacher.
During the last year this has been my source of income, classes just popped up without me putting any effort. From having two classes a week as a hobby for a few years, I have now a total of 15 classes a week (and more groups wanting to open) . I love the change!!! Teaching yoga is a pleasure, I was not totally aware that I didn´t like or wanted anymore to teach intellectual stuff until it was taken away from me. I still advise a few students at that university and the few hours I go there I can see everyone so stressed out, so overwhelmed, and I am so relieved not to be on their shoes any longer, as I used to be.
Moved to a smaller simple but beautiful space, leaving behind all my past represented by so much old stuff. I am so happy!! So light. From being totally in the head in the past, currently I do not want to have anything to do with intellectual knowledge, I am happy just being. Receiving every day as it comes, like an adventure, just watching what moves within and around.
Even though there is this a background peace the personality trends are present, being watched, as if in a lab, the turmoil is not any longer present and the inner battles are not stronger either, they last less and less. There is no desire to have a practice or to attend a group or a workshop or to grow (as I had for many years) Life is becoming a permanent workshop.
Still questions arise, I know this is what we are, yet the mind sometimes wants sort of a confirmation that something has happened. I don´t think I have awaken ( in theory I know we are already THAT), but certainly there is a change in how life is being experienced.
Two things are certainly there: love to hear Satsang to listen about the truth, and besides yoga, I love to free dancing. Music has some sort of magic, it takes my body it moves it and I disappear, total presence, awareness, watching the joy when the body is being moved by the music, without knowing how the next move will be.
Also there is a bit of an addictive trace I can feel, nothing serious, but I perceive something is latent there. People would say it is nothing to want to drink one beer, but even though it is only one (never more than that), I feel it has the perfume of addiction. I was addicted in the past to watching TV, never to alcohol, but my father that now is dead, he used to drink, so maybe it is in the genes. I perceive some fear that this could be the case.
When reading this note it feels I am just presenting the ego to you. Not so relevant, I am sending it anyways. Please let me know if you have any advice. I will not write this kind of letters that often, sorry it became long. Thank you for reading this!!
Thank you for sharing. From what you write your life seems to be moving towards happiness, simplicity and beauty. Not a bad thing!
It looks as if you are moving away from the mind and opening up to the body. That is a very good thing.
Personality trends will continue to arise and, as you say, when you watch them as a witness, as if in a lab, they are no longer sticky. In time, these trends will arise less frequently and will have a shorter duration and intensity.
The absence of your desire for a practice or for attending groups or workshops is not a problem as long as you do not create any new S image, any new personal image.
You say that the mind wants a confirmation that something has happened. That thought and desire arises from the habitual me-feeling, arises out of the sense of incompleteness which I refer to as ignorance, meaning the ignorance of our inherent wholeness.
Follow your interest in satsang, as true satsang is the experience of the Self.
And of course, dance away!
Certain bodies love to move and experience the vastness and the freedom and the joy in movement.
Finally concerning addiction, addiction is an avoidance mechanism in order to dull or to distract the body-mind away from the experience of consciousness.
Rather than focusing on the addiction, turn your attention towards what it is that you are resisting or pursuing. In other words, turn your attention to the hidden motives (if any) that fuel and motivate this behavior. If indeed, we are speaking about addiction, you will find the belief in separation hiding behind the scene.
Thank you Magdy, I read your note a few times and have been waiting to write back. It is a beautiful life indeed, and yes it was very helpful your comment about adiction, still wondering what are the hidden motives
It is through attachment to forms, meaning addiction to forms, that the separate self maintains itself. That is how it gives itself a job, something to fix, something to keep itself on board.
It uses the body as its tool.
The entire show is the play of consciousness. Nothing personal.
Thanks for your input. It really resonates. The separate self needs a problem to solve! Yes and really truly feels like there is nothing to solve. Just to live this fantastic life!!! Love it!!