A question about self judgment and worthlessness.
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Could you say something about thoughts of unworthiness?
I continue to have judgmental thoughts about myself.
According to my own self judgement, I am not good enough, attractive enough, doing enough, and on and on…..
These thoughts are a burden.
There is always a better version of “me” to become.
Always a work in progress.
The current version is never totally right. Never exactly good enough.
It is a hopeless situation.
I will never be good enough or spiritual enough or attractive enough……
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Dear Friend. Love conquers all.
It seems very difficult to be free of the images and thoughts that haunt us. We have inherited so many beliefs. Above all, the belief that I am a man, a woman, a body mind person. And yes, these images live in our body as well and make us feel quite awful at times. Worthless, unloved, too fat, too old, insecure. What to do? We try so hard to prop up the image. We try so hard to secure our safety in a worldly manner. But it is not possible to stop the aging of the body mind, nor is it possible to completely remove the imprint of time that imposes itself on the body mind.
At best, we can hide behind temporary walls. We diet, we spend vast sums of money fixing the aesthetics of the aging body, we hide behind our possessions, job, home, career, etc.
But we know deep down nothing of this sort works.
What to do?
Someone tells us: You are not the body mind. You are the awareness, timeless, formless, shapeless and infinite.
We hear this and go: Yes, fat chance. Nice try. Keep on talking.
And we continue to feel the misery and worthlessness.
Indeed, a new belief, a new philosophical position can only go so deep. A new belief cannot cure this deep existential angst.
Ask yourself: What is it that is aware of this aging body? What is it that is aware of these thoughts and bodily sensation?
Is it not awareness? Am I not aware of thoughts and sensations? Isn’t awareness my primordial experience?
You have to find out for yourself. Explore for yourself. What is it that is reading these words?
But be careful not to accept a borrowed answer. Find out directly for yourself. Do not be satisfied with a borrowed answer as it will not relieve your thirst.
Find out. You are perfectly equipped to discover for yourself what you truly are. There are others who are on the same path. You can explore with them without forming a religion. Without being a copy cat.
You are aware of your thoughts, of your sensations? Ask yourself: In my experience, is this awareness contained in a body mind? Where are the borders? Rely on your direct experience.
Is it not true that the images and thoughts come and go? Like the weather. Why hold on to them? Why identify with the weather?
These thoughts and feelings of worthlessness are not personal. They arise like an image on the screen. The weather is not personal.
Nothing and no one can rob you of the innate freedom that you inherently are. That is your gift from God.
Accept the gift. It is given to you. Let whoever created the body mind manage it. Busy yourself awakening from the me-illusion.